Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: And you're helping a lot of people. So it's transforming that trauma
[00:00:03] Speaker B: that is the big thing. And that's what I tell all these women or men even, that are going through a lot of stuff. And I'm like, you don't understand the power you hold to help all these people. We all have the same problem. We just have a different kitchen.
[00:00:16] Speaker A: I'm Diana Earley. I know firsthand what privilege costs losing sight of your own path. The isolation, the distrust, and the guilt of feeling stuck in a life everyone thinks you should be grateful for.
Pressure isn't always the enemy. It reveals character, it challenges us, and it's something we all share. Rich or not, whether you built your wealth or were entrusted with it, sooner or later you have to ask, what is this for?
Welcome to the Pressures of Privilege show.
Some people have one hard thing happen to them. My guest, Galen Capri, had many abuse as a child, addiction, the loss of her daughter, then stage four cancer. And guess what? She's still here. She just got married, and she's starting over in Florida. Her cousin, Lavon Chastain, felt called to write it all down. Together they wrote the memoir Get Up, A Story of One Woman's Journey and the God who Wouldn't Let Go.
Now they speak at churches, recovery groups, and women's events across the country.
They say you are more than the worst thing that ever happened to you. I want to know how you come to believe that.
Lavon, Galen, thank you for being here.
[00:01:34] Speaker B: Thank you for having us.
[00:01:36] Speaker C: Thank you, Diana. So good to be here.
[00:01:38] Speaker A: You two are cousins?
[00:01:40] Speaker C: We are.
Some people think she's my mother, but no, we're cousins.
[00:01:44] Speaker A: Like, during our prep calls, I've really enjoyed connecting with both of you. Your book, you know, it shows. It's a book with two perspectives.
And you. You two are so different, but you're so. I think that the similarity. I mean, I can just feel your hearts.
[00:02:01] Speaker C: Thank you.
[00:02:01] Speaker A: What was it like as kids?
[00:02:03] Speaker C: So growing up together, we. We were actually together quite often, quite a bit through our grandmother, who kind of helped raise both of us.
But, you know, like any family members, we fought, we played. We did all kinds of crazy things together. Galen was always more the adventurous one, and I was the voice of reason always with her. Yeah, it was just a lot of fun. I felt like it was a lot of fun. It was quite different on her end. I always looked at going to her house as an adventure because there was always something crazy happening at her house before. I witnessed a lot of the abuse that was going on, but they lived out in the country, and it was always fun. I lived in the city, and so it was fun to go out and just play out in the country with my cousins. And we had a great time until things weren't great.
[00:02:58] Speaker A: Yeah, we don't want to give away too much what's in the book, because it's a great description, but it's.
It's tough. I mean, there's early on in the book that scene, Galen, where you jump, like your stepfather is about to hit your little sister and you jump in to take the hit yourself.
[00:03:15] Speaker B: Yeah, that was a regular event, usually. Usually at dinner time.
[00:03:19] Speaker C: But that was the first time I had been there to witness it. That, to me, was. As a child, if you're. Galen was used to it. That was normal to her. She thought that happened in every household, but it wasn't for me. It wasn't my experience of growing up. And when I witnessed it as a child, you don't understand what to do with that kind of information.
As a little girl, you just don't understand what is happening in front of you. And all I could think of, and Galen understands this mentality, is, I had to get out. I had to flee. I had to get out of there. It's fight or flight. And so I grabbed her little sister and we took off running.
[00:03:59] Speaker A: That's. It's a really scary scene. And then. And then you write that Galen learned to read a room like a book.
[00:04:05] Speaker B: She did.
[00:04:06] Speaker A: Faults. Yeah,
[00:04:07] Speaker B: she'll do.
[00:04:09] Speaker A: Sorry. That's
[00:04:09] Speaker C: my superpower.
[00:04:10] Speaker A: I've got. I have my notes here about, like, sort of the parts of the book that I thought were really. I mean, really well written. Levaque. Yeah. And you had, for example, you had a permanence that gave you a sense of rootedness that Galen never had. Like, Galen's life, she was moving a lot, and.
But your life, in contrast, was rooted and constant and. And you felt safe in your home, whereas in Galen's, you did not feel safe. And you learned to only go there, I think, during the daytime hours, right
[00:04:42] Speaker C: after witnessing that and being in such shock because I knew her stepdad as my uncle.
And to witness that firsthand as a child was horrible. It was. I mean, and I can't. I can't imagine what Galen had to live with.
[00:05:00] Speaker A: But what I love about the book, Galen, is that you are such a. Like, I loved you as a kid. Like, you're, like. You wrote here that sports gave you rules that you could trust. Like, you were sport. You're Sporty. And you're courageous, and you've got. You've got an amazing spirit, even as a. Like, as a little girl.
[00:05:17] Speaker B: Yeah, I have. I've had. Well, and a lot of people, especially a lot of cancer people, they'll go, oh, you. You're like this now because you've almost died. I'm like, no, been like this my whole life, you know, sorry. Loved everybody.
I'm different. And my husband says that. He says, you are one of the very own, very few women. You have no jealousy. He says, you are not jealous of anybody. You want everybody to rise up.
And I think that goes back to trauma.
Um, I think with us young girls that are in definitely trauma, we see, we can read a room for one, because we know we're. We're. That's our survival instinct. And then two, we really do want you to succeed, you know, and that's where women have always. I didn't notice, but women were mean to me, and I didn't understand that one either, because I really wanted you to succeed, too.
So that's. I think it all goes back to the trauma.
[00:06:14] Speaker A: I think it was like the slam of the glass, the set of the jaw, a silence that meant stay out of sight. Right?
[00:06:21] Speaker B: Yeah. Are meant to protect, because I'm a protector. And, you know, I think one of the worst ones was whenever I came home, when I had stayed out a little late and I had came in and I saw my mom, and I went to.
I thought she had chocolate on her face, and I went to get her chocolate. Well, I had to take her to the hospital that day. She had internal bleeding. She had footprints all over her back and her. And that was that night. He was passed out drunk, and I was in sports. I was a baseball player. And at my baseball bat, I was going to kill him. And my mom was like, no, you know, I love him. And I couldn't understand that. Like, he just got out of the hospital with him. But you love him. And I did. I. As I grew, I understood what she was, you know, that she was just weak. She. She couldn't leave.
[00:07:11] Speaker C: Yeah, well, it's.
I don't know what you call it. That. So a lot of people don't understand that. That going back to, you know, like, during our pre. Phone call, you had said, sometimes victims go back six times until they finally get it right.
[00:07:25] Speaker B: Well, and it's like, even the scar on my face, and I show women the pictures because when I do walk into the room, I'm a big presence. I'm Six feet tall. I got this wild hair, and they're like, well, you don't understand. This never happened to you. And I'm like, mm, let's see. I wear a partial because half my teeth were knocked out. I have a scar on my face. And I went back. I went back to my abuser, and I. I took the charges off for him because really, that's how I was taught that the first time a man hit me, my mother told me, oh, he loves you so. Oh, yeah, yeah, he. Oh, he must really love you. You know, she's just jealous. He just loves you.
So you know when you're programmed that way. And that's what I sit with, the women going, oh, no, no, honey, no. You know, we've all been there. So
[00:08:10] Speaker C: it is weird how if you think a man is jealous, that's love. It's. Nah, no,
[00:08:15] Speaker B: no. It's insecurities.
[00:08:16] Speaker C: But you just got married. How did you meet your recent husband?
[00:08:21] Speaker B: Well, Lavon says she prayed him into existence, so we'll always give Lavon the credit to start with.
[00:08:26] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, I get the credit for this one because I've been praying for this man her entire life. I pray for her every single day. I've been praying for her since the first time I saw her get hit. I didn't know I needed to pray, that I was raised in a Christian home. My stepfather was a very strong, devout Christian.
And being prayed over, being prayed with, was just our upbringing. We all. We had our issues, too, but the basic fundamentals were we were a Christian family. And.
But knowing what Galen was living through, I started praying for her at a very young age. And I knew in my heart that God had a very special man for her. I knew that. And going through everything that she had been through, I just kept hearing, I have someone for her. I have someone for her. And. But then she would start dating other people. And I'm going, no, no, no, no, no. That's not the right one. That's not who God wants you to be with.
And she would fight me on it, but
[00:09:26] Speaker B: I bite everybody, okay?
[00:09:28] Speaker C: She does, but me mostly.
She was living in a part of Florida that she just fell in love with at the beginning. But over a few years, she wasn't happy there. And she and I had an arrangement there. And she asked me, I really want to get out of this area, but I don't know. What do you think? What. I don't know what to do.
And I prayed about it, and I said, I think it's time for you to leave. She found a little place closer to the beach that she really loved. And I said, well, let's think about this. Pray about what God wants you to do.
And she's like, I don't know. She just kept going back and forth, back and forth. I said, it's time. You need to move on. Let's go. Let's get this out. Let's get going with this. And so she ended up this little part of the beach, and then her husband. She went to an event that she never would have gone to.
[00:10:17] Speaker B: I went to a bikers event. And I was mad because I had to. I wasn't gonna
[00:10:21] Speaker A: put that part in.
[00:10:22] Speaker B: Now I'll tell it all. I would tell the trigger so these women understand. Go. I had to be the designated driver, and because my daughter was killed by a drug driver, I'm really pro. I don't drink. And so I was all mad, and I told my friends, okay, I'll drive your, you know, knuckleheads around. And I said, and they're like, you'll find a man there. And I go, oh, what am I gonna find? Somebody that goes to a bikers event and watches football on Sunday. And My husband's an NFL player, an ex NFL player.
And so with 5 million people there, I mean, it's so busy. This man kept following me, and he's very shy. I didn't know that he was so shy. But I had handed him a card, he wanted to talk, and it was too busy. And I handed him my card, and I'm a wellness coach, and my card says, think beautiful thoughts for my daughter, Reagan.
And he wrote me a beautiful text, and he said, that's so beautiful. Thank beautiful thoughts. And I said, oh, it's not mine. It's my daughter. She passed away. And he goes, well, we're in the same club. My son passed away.
Yeah.
And then he said, would I. I need a wellness coach. And I said, well, I have a opening in two weeks. I does not going to be especially a big old beautiful man like that. I didn't need him in my room my whole. So I said, I'll see you in two weeks. Well, he showed up. And then about the fourth date, I said, you know, I don't want any money from you. I want your soul.
I said, there's something with the two of us. And we were married within five months. Oh, yes. And he played for the jets for 11 years. And.
Yeah. And he runs a big podcast for CTE patients and stuff like that with the NFL. So we both are givers, and I've never been so in love in my life. So I told these women, you never know what's coming. Who thought at 60, I would find my soulmate.
[00:12:08] Speaker A: That's amazing. All right, Lavon, I guess
[00:12:10] Speaker B: you win.
[00:12:11] Speaker C: I
[00:12:11] Speaker B: do. She works again. It just pisses me off all the time. Like, okay, you were right again. Okay. All right.
[00:12:18] Speaker A: Good things happen to those who wait, I guess, huh?
[00:12:20] Speaker B: Well, I didn't wait. I was jumping around a lot.
[00:12:22] Speaker C: Yeah, she doesn't wait. No, no,
[00:12:26] Speaker B: no. But when he said, let's. You want to go get married? And I'm. But, yeah, I do. And we ran to the courthouse steps, just the two of us. It was the most beautiful day of my life.
[00:12:36] Speaker C: She had to get permission from me to do that, but he had to get permission from me and my husband to marry her.
[00:12:43] Speaker B: He flew out to California, and he asked.
[00:12:45] Speaker C: They flew out here to
[00:12:46] Speaker B: California.
[00:12:47] Speaker C: He knew that. He knew he had to get permission.
That was kind of a standard that I set for her a long, many, many years ago. Like, this is not because I
[00:12:59] Speaker B: didn't have a beard to her.
[00:13:00] Speaker C: Yeah, she attracts all kinds of weirdos, like. Like she tracks all kinds of crazy people. And I said, no. Before you actually get married, that person has to come through us. And there was actually one person that thought he was going to marry her. A lot of men thought they were going to marry her. And he came and asked us.
He said to me, I want to have your blessing to marry her.
And I said, I don't know you.
No, I don't know you. I can't honor that. I don't know anything about you. I did, but what I knew, I didn't like.
And so that ended pretty quickly.
But when this one came along and I was able to talk with him, I researched the heck out of him.
That's what I do.
And I did a lot of praying. A lot. A lot of praying. And I kept hearing, he's the one.
He's who I want for her.
And he had to come out to California and ask my husband and I for permission to marry her.
When he. When he talked to us together, my husband loves. He's very much like Galen. He loves everybody. Everybody's his friend.
And so when he started talking and was talking to my husband first, my husband's like, well, you know, you're adult. You're both 60 years old. You do whatever you want. Of course you can marry her.
And I sat very quiet.
And then he looked at me. I said, and now you have to ask me.
And he started crying.
[00:14:36] Speaker B: I know.
And if he saw me, 6 foot 5, big old burly guy,
[00:14:42] Speaker A: an NFL player who can cry. Amazing.
[00:14:44] Speaker B: He cries all the time. Yeah. Oh,
[00:14:47] Speaker A: and how did you feel in that moment, Lavon?
[00:14:51] Speaker C: I'm not overly emotional, so it didn't bother me. I want to get past that, and I want to know your heart.
I can see the tears and. Okay, that's all right. If you're going to cry, go ahead and cry it out. I'll hand you a tissue. I'm not going to cry with you, but I'll hand you a tissue. And I needed to get to his heart and see.
How are you going to treat her, Galen?
A very wise move, made him read our book first before they got serious, so that he would know everything about her.
And so when he asked us, and I said, you've read her book.
You know what she's been through. You understand the trauma that she has survived.
She cannot take on any more trauma, and she cannot ever be yelled at.
So where do you stand with that? How are you going to take care of her and never raise your voice to her?
And so we talked for quite a long time. I was way more difficult than my husband.
My husband's ready to accept him, no problem.
[00:15:55] Speaker B: Well, and that's what the big the deal was. He has a book out, and he said. And he's a big. You know, he's on Wikipedia, all this stuff. And he goes, everybody knows everything about me, and I know nothing about you, you know, and these women that keep coming into his life. And I said, well, read my book, because you might not want any part of this. I mean, he's a very, very. He's like Lavon. I tell him, him and Lavon are a lot alike. They're about a very righteous upbringing, very in the box. They've never had a lot of trauma. And wonderful parents. He had wonderful, wonderful parents. So we're polar, polar opposites. So I said, I need you to understand what you're getting a hold of. And this big light bulb on my head that I attract all these people, constantly calls me a magnet. He said, we can't even go to the grocery store. And these women are. People are like, you know, asking you questions and where. You know. And I said, it's. It's who I've been since I was a little girl. He's okay with it. He said, I'm. You're supposed to be your protector. I know why God put me in position with you.
[00:16:53] Speaker C: And he Was okay with all your conditions, Lavon? Oh, absolutely.
[00:16:57] Speaker B: Married me that weekend we got home, and we got married.
[00:17:00] Speaker C: Yeah. Because I think if you had said, well, he answered one yes and one no, I would have been like, hmm.
I would have said, I'm sorry, this isn't going to work.
But no. Yeah, he. He was very, very honest because I'd already done the research. I knew what to expect, but I wanted to see how he would respond to my questions. He just answered as truthfully and honestly as he could.
[00:17:22] Speaker B: So there's hope for all these women that I sit with. I'm like, girls, stay in there, baby. Come on. It's gonna get good, you know? And if I can survive all this, especially, like, sitting with that woman yesterday, you know, and she still has children at home and everything.
And she said, I don't know how much more I can take. And I said, you know, us that have the hardest lives have the bigger purpose. I said, you have such a big purpose ahead of you that you don't see it yet.
When she just cried, we sent the whole. I spent all afternoon with her. That's what I do on a daily basis. It's like, the next one will be. I have another one on Monday that is a cancer patient from. And she's a head doctor at Mayo Clinic. And now she wants to figure out how I healed.
[00:18:06] Speaker C: So I mentioned, like, you. You lost your daughter. Like, losing a child is one of the hardest things I can. I mean, it's the hardest thing. And how did you get over that? Or if. If you get over that at all?
[00:18:17] Speaker B: Well, you don't ever get over it. You change. You change drastically, and you live life. What was interesting on that one is how I'm gonna start at the beginning on that, too, because I was living in my home in Belize, and she was in California, and she'd called me all summer to come home, and I.
I was heading to Guam, the run and dive shop. So I was taken off to Asia, and I didn't want to go home because that's where the trauma was at. So I hated to go home. So she kept calling, and I kept saying no. And then I went to do my dishes, and I swear I heard go. I heard it so clear, and I called her that night. I said, okay, you little brat, I'm heading in. Pick me up at lax. I'll be there. We'll.
You know, it's when I tell these people that there is a bigger plan that we don't see. If I hadn't gone, I Wouldn't be here today because she died the next day. I went and played with her on the beach. We did her little dancing. She told me she was gonna get married. And then she hugged me goodbye. And she goes, mama, I hug you like I'm never gonna see you again. You're so wild.
[00:19:21] Speaker A: So she thought it was gonna be you.
[00:19:23] Speaker B: I thought it was gonna be me. And it was her.
And so when she, you know, then you gotta think about that when she's missing for two years almost, and then to be diagnosed with stage four colon cancer. I'm good with it. I'm okay. I'm ready. I say, I'm not afraid of anything. I really wasn't afraid to die. I was afraid of the pain because I was in so much pain. And I say that it was being on life support and hearing God tell me to get up and to tell me the day my daughter would be found.
And then that's. And that's in the book as well, is the gentleman that found her had looked every day.
And when you say, you know, the grief part, it was that I know where she's at now. I could feel it. I know where my daughter is. And God has her because he said, she will be found. On the 4th of July.
Whenever the doctor had came in, I had been in, like, you gotta understand, I'm in the hospital for months. I'm not there for a couple days. So I had been in about two weeks. Cause then they thought I had esophagus cancer, too.
And the doctor came in after the life support incident, and he sat on the side of my bed and he scratched his head. And he's like, I ran the test twice, Galen, there's no cancer. And I swear it was like a power that hit my chest. And I looked at my best friend and I said, oh, my gosh, Reagan's coming home on 4th of July and I'm cancer free. I have to get up. I heard him.
And so having that whole profoundness. And then this was in February. So now fast forward. She was found on July 2nd and identified on the 4th. And that's when the coroner asked if we were sitting down because she was fully intact in the water for two years. After two years. So there's your. Here's your, like your triple shot miracle where you're going, oh, she's okay. She's. She's. She's okay.
So now God has given me the strength that I can sit with women that have lost their children. That's the hardest one I have to tell you I can sit with the cancer patients, I can sit with the girls that got their ass beat and everything else, but to sit with that mama that lost their baby, you know, And I tell people, too, I'm very fortunate. I'm. There's a lot of mamas out there that never found their daughters or their sons, and they don't know where they're at.
I was blessed enough that God did tell me the exact day she would be home.
So the grief part, I have to say that I sort of put it away. There's days that I'll see a Reese's peanut butter cup and break down to my knees and cry. It doesn't go away, but it helps it get better. And that. That love that I have for all these other people, that I can tell them the children are with the best father in the world. You know, they're there, and we are here serving our purpose on this earth.
So that's really why I think that my grief is a little different than most, because I definitely heard.
I heard it with. I would. I'll go to my very. I know exactly what I heard. And then, you know, for the cancer thing is that if you read my medical records, I've had people, the top doctors read my medical records and said they had to misdiagnose you because palliative care and hospice was next. It was just that I'm. They say ignorance is bliss. I didn't know what a palliative care was, so I don't know. I'm dying, but. So that's the part of the grief that I think helps the most, hearing that voice to be completely intact. After two years in the water, the only thing that was missing was the tips of her finger and the tips of her nose, you know, and that's what the lady said yesterday when I had had hugged her goodbye. And she says I'm standing with a true miracle. She says everything about you is like this big light. She said to stand right next to you. I just feel safe.
And I just hugged her and said, you know, you just gotta keep walking your path. Whether it's good or bad, we have to walk it because we're all just trying to give hope.
[00:23:23] Speaker C: That's so sad. But the book is called get up, so it's a great title because, I mean, that sounds like a moment when you did,
[00:23:33] Speaker B: that's all you had to do. And I was pissed, too, just so you know. Let's back that one up. I'm 105 pounds. I'm 150 right now. I mean, I'm 105 pounds. I'm very, very prideful. I have to ask people to help me get up to carry me to the bathroom. I haven't. I'm lost. I'm just skin and bones. And then I'm like, oh, my gosh, I gotta get up. I got, you know, I was getting my little skinny legs and I'd him on the side of the bed and thinking, I've got to get up and get going. He told me what I'm supposed to be doing. It is not my time.
So that was. That was. That was a difficult one for me to. To deal with too.
[00:24:12] Speaker C: You're helping a lot of people. So it's transforming that trauma.
[00:24:17] Speaker B: That is the big thing. And that's what I tell all these women or men even, that are going through a lot of stuff. And I'm like, you don't understand the. The power you hold to help all these people. Because like you said, we all have the same problem. We just have a different kitchen. And I love that because it's the truth. Every single one of us have some type of trauma in our life, even if we want to admit it or not, and most of us don't want to admit it. And with this book, like, I had a lady that had been a friend of mine for.
Oh, my gosh. She's known me for 15 years. In fact, she couldn't read the one part of the book because she was really close with Reagan. But she came to me. I was staying in my house. I was doing some retreat business in Belize, and she came to my house and she said, can we talk? And I said, yeah, honey, what's up? And she goes, I'm in that part of the book, and I had an abortion, and I never told anybody.
And you were so raw about it and told. She says, I feel like a burden has been lifted off me. She was sex trafficked and ended up in Miami, and they were using her, and they had made her get an abortion. And she says, I never could live with that, Galen. And then to hear your story and thank you. And she just hugged me and cried, which I had no idea. This woman's very accomplished. She's very. You think she's all put together, and she carried a deep secret with her.
So this book, it seems that helps women in every chapter, not.
Not just the death of a daughter.
[00:25:44] Speaker C: Yeah. Because it seems to me like when one holds a secret like that in the darkness, it just stays. It doesn't go away or it doesn't lose its heaviness and its power.
[00:25:54] Speaker B: And I believe too, Diana, it'll fester. And that's where a lot of us are getting sick, is that we hold onto all this and it just. It's like a. A sore, and you continue to hold and it festers and festers and festers. And now you're sick with cancer and you're sick with autoimmune diseases. Instead of releasing everything and knowing that you don't have any sin. And most of us were just little girls anyway to begin with. We didn't know really what was happening to us.
[00:26:19] Speaker C: Interesting, because the healing part, I'm thinking, like, should one be open with just anybody or is it important who you're open with?
[00:26:28] Speaker B: Well, I'm open with everybody.
I'm an open book. And I think that that is.
It's whether they want to accept it or not. And sometimes when you're just open and raw, like this lady that I was with yesterday, she. She says there's no possible. She actually bought the book yesterday. She's like, oh, my gosh. I said, yeah, know, you just have to be open and raw. And if they can't accept it, then they aren't your tribe, they aren't your people, and you just continue to move on.
I risk it. I don't care. I'm a risk taker. I've been a risk taker my whole life. If you don't like me, stand in line. There's a line over there that doesn't like me and there's a line over here that loves me. So go ahead.
[00:27:06] Speaker C: Lavon helped you with the whole process of being an open book. In a way, she was always like us, though. Like when she talks about the light on her head, I always say she's walking around with an aluminum foil hat because all she attracts everybody. I am polar opposite. I would much rather stay away from people.
We just went to an event recently together, and I knew I wanted her there. It was for the book. It was actually an award that. That the book won.
And so I said, look, there's all these people mingling around and I'm like pushing her. I said, you co mingle. I'll wait right back here. You go talk to them. And she did. Of course she did. She loves to talk to people. When you ask the question Diana about should you be mindful or care about who you share with or who you talk to about it. While Galen's personality absolutely lends to talking to everybody, she is an open book. Whatever you ask her any questions, she's going to tell you everything about that, about Purcell. She. She will. I'm not like that, so not everybody can do that.
I've had things in my life, and actually writing the book brought back some vicarious trauma for me, and I didn't really want to talk about it. I, I, I don't know what to do with that. Galen is more than willing and open to talk about all of it, not all at once. And when we were writing the book, we had to take a lot of breaks because of her trauma.
Um, I knew I could hear her, the tone in her voice when it was time for a break. When I was interviewing her, we were going over memories that we had shared memories together.
Um, so everybody's different, and I feel like they need to be mindful of that and know who it is that you can share with.
Now, oftentimes I will say, talking to Gayla. And she would, she'll say something to me, and she'll say, but it's you. I could tell you this. I can talk to you like that.
So she's a little careful, too, about what she says and who she says it to, but for the most part, she's an open book.
[00:29:13] Speaker B: Well, I tried to be a little more. I can be real direct with Lavon. You have to understand Lavon and I don't. We're not typical cousins, I always say. I was raised by wolves.
So she has sort of stepped in. She's been.
Been more like a mother figure to Means.
[00:29:29] Speaker C: Even though she looks like my mother,
[00:29:31] Speaker B: I stop it. It's just because of Greener, because I refuse to put chemicals on my body.
Anyway, we wanted to go down that one. I'm
[00:29:39] Speaker C: older than her, believe it or not.
[00:29:41] Speaker B: Well, I don't put chemicals on my body. Well, there you go. So let's just go down that one.
But I have to sort of curtail it back. And I understand that that comes with age, because I used to just blah. And I, my energy would scare a lot of people. Like, I'm helping a lady right now. She's 62 days clean. And when she met me, she goes, you know, you're intimidating. And I stopped her and I said, well, wait a minute. I think you should rephrase that. Are you intimidated or intimidating? I said, there's two different words there. So you're intimidated by my energy. When you get to know me, you'll understand that I have nothing but love for you, and I want you to conquer your demons.
Now, she's one of my best friends. And she messaged me every day. She goes, you scared that shit out of Galen. She goes, if you walked in, what? And.
But it's learning to pull it back a little bit and to read your audience a little better. I'm much better at that now than coming in full force.
[00:30:38] Speaker A: I'm curious, Lavon, like, when you felt called, you obviously felt called to tell her story. How did you know this was the thing you wanted to do?
[00:30:46] Speaker C: Uh, well, I didn't know that I was going to be on this journey.
I retired from my profession a few years ago and had great plans.
I knew what I was doing because I am a very detailed planner.
I had all kinds of great ideas. But throughout our life, Galen has always talked about writing a book. And she would say things like, we should write a book together. This would be a great chapter in our book. And I always knew what she meant was me. She wanted me to write it. She always tells people, well, she had to go live the life. She needed somebody else to write it. And this is in the book. I. I talk about the moment that I knew God had revealed to me. It was time to write the book. Um, she and I were sitting in my car. She was in California visiting me.
And we were reminiscing about our grandmother and the crazy stories. Our grandmother was a bit wild, I'd say maybe, but we were talking about some things, and she just looked at me and said, it's time.
It's time to write this. We need to put this down on paper again. She meant me. And so I knew, I thought great about it. I prayed a lot about it, because I knew that how time consuming it would be and how much effort it was going to take to. To really get Galenta to be able to sit down and relive these episodes, this trauma that she lived throughout her life.
So I knew at that moment it was time. And then it just took more research on my part and devotion to get it written.
What was the hardest thing to hear from her? It was all difficult for me personally, because I lived through so much of it with her reliving the biggest trauma pieces and actually experiencing, as I mentioned, that vicarious trauma, reliving the part of our childhood where I actually witnessed firsthand the abuse.
I think probably after that, the most difficult was losing Reagan. The cancer. She gets mad at me because the cancer, while devastating as it was, she was a few hours away from me at UCLA Hospital and was. Kept calling me and telling me I needed to come see her because she was dying. And I knew God had told me, she's not dying.
[00:33:06] Speaker B: Oh, she's pissing me off.
[00:33:08] Speaker C: So I wouldn't go see her. And I had gone every time, like, even with Regan when Reagan was missing, she called me first.
I picked up my husband and I picked her up at the airport. So we were with her from the very beginning of that whole horrible tragedy. But for this, she's in the hospital at ucla, calling me, telling me to come see her. Her friends, other friends were going to see her because the doctors told her that she was dying. And I said, you're not dying. You're not going to die. God told me, you're not dying. She got so mad at me because I wouldn't go see her.
[00:33:45] Speaker B: I was. I was pissed. I wasn't mad. I was pissed. I called her, I said, the best doctor just came in and said, I'm palliative care. I've got like six weeks. They're. They're. I'm dead. Will you want to come and see me before I die? You're not dying. I'm not coming. And I had people flying in from different states and stuff to say goodbye to me. And this one wouldn't even show up. She was just two hours away. I hated that. She's right again. I'm like, oh, my gosh.
[00:34:09] Speaker C: Was there anything, Galen, you didn't want in the book that she insisted going?
[00:34:14] Speaker B: No, there was. I think the hardest one for me was the domestic violence, because I was really, really. I had lost everything. I was a. I was a wildly successful business owner. I had put my whole heart and soul in that. I'm a very much a hard worker. I had lost my family. I had lost my husband, and I was living in shame. My husband was. My ex husband was very good at beating me down. And so I was at one. And I tell women that now. Ooh, that's a good one. I tell women, when you're at your lowest point and you finally get out of it, you're look back and you'll be disgusted at what you allowed in your life and disgusted at what you're allowed in your life. That one is hard because the people that know me and this big Persona that I. And to see what I was with, they're like, what was he thinking? And I was like, you don't. Don't judge anybody. And not that part I didn't really want in the book because it was in a different country. Nobody really knew, you know, I was like, oh, my God. I. If I gotta Tell it all. Let's throw it out there. And I'll tell you that the rape when I was raped and left on in Mexico, that one, because it's the shame that we hold, because us women, we think that we caused it.
I am very vivacious. I'm five foot ten. I've got a supermodel body. I can come. I could command any man I want to do. And that's. We did. And, you know, I had people ask, tell me, well, did you attract that?
No. Well, the Bible tells you men that look, lust gouge your eyes out, not us to cover up, you know. No, it's them.
Yeah. And if it wasn't for my street smarts with that one, because I had to tell him I loved him, I think he would have killed me that night.
[00:35:58] Speaker A: You got to lose the battle to win the war, I guess, right?
[00:36:01] Speaker B: You pick. Yes, exactly. And so that's those two things there I could have left out of the book pretty much and skated through pretty easy.
But it was so important to me. For these women that have been raped and, you know, they are holding onto the shame and that the biggest one is the domestic violence that those women that continue to go back and then living in a third world country where you witness it on a constant level with the men, women are just above a dog.
So you see that. And women are so replaceable. So that was. That was the hardest part to put in the book for me.
[00:36:36] Speaker A: If you were to name the feeling behind that reticence about putting that in the book, what do you think it would be?
[00:36:41] Speaker B: Power. I'll tell you, once you. Once I put it out there, it gave me the power.
[00:36:45] Speaker A: But the reticence, the part that you didn't like, the reason you didn't want it in there.
[00:36:49] Speaker B: Oh, the reason I didn't want it in was the shame. Yeah, the shame. Yeah, the shame. And that. Yeah, it was the shame that I didn't want because I was too prideful. I didn't want people to know how low I had really gotten down into my life.
[00:37:02] Speaker A: That's the thing that was so healing. I think for women to read, they can identify with
[00:37:08] Speaker B: that. They can identify with that. And what isn't in the book is that I was the first woman in Belize to put that man in prison for nine years, you know, and that was left out of the book. So what he did was he raped the guy that beat me so bad. He raped my artist that was in my house. And that's when I knew I had a problem that. That I would defend any other woman, but I would not defend myself. So I didn't have the love for myself. I have the love for other people. And, I mean, I fought tooth and toenail to get him convicted, and he did. I was the first white woman in Belize to put a man in prison for raping a tourist.
Because that happens on a daily basis there. I mean, they're getting them drunk, they're doing whatever they want to do, and then these women just go home and live with it. But I had forced the issue. So the power that came from that, even though I had to deal with the shame to put that into the book and let people know how low I had actually gotten in my life. But it does help everybody like that. I think that part of the book helps a lot more people than the grief and the cancer, the domestic violence, because a lot of women are suffering from that.
[00:38:13] Speaker A: I identify with. You know, I always call that chapter of my life of. I went through a period of insanity. Yeah. I wasn't sober either, so I don't know.
I think that contributed to it.
My thinking brain, it wasn't working.
[00:38:27] Speaker B: I wasn't sober either. So that part, you know, that we were. I would do anything, party, party, party, and then get your ass beat. But then you, you know, you go right back into the holes. Hoo, hoo, hoo.
Because you're just medicating the trauma or you're pushing it, keeping pushing it down before you have to deal with it. But then when it all surfaced, whenever he did that to the tourist, to my artist, then it changed the whole perspective. It was like, okay, that's whenever I have to say, that was the catalyst of my life. That changed the whole direction. I got clean and sober. I didn't allow any man in the house. I didn't allow anything. I stayed. I think I was celibate for almost four years. I was just. I didn't want anything to do with any man. But then, you know, the power comes back, and you see, like I said, I tell the women, you'll be disgusted at what you allowed in when you were at your lowest point.
[00:39:16] Speaker A: And what do you do when that disgust comes?
[00:39:19] Speaker B: I look at it now going, oh, my gosh, was that even me? Holy cow. When that disgust comes now I marinate in it. And I let it go because it's not going to. It's not going to define me any longer.
[00:39:30] Speaker A: How did writing this book change your own faith, either Lavon or Galen?
[00:39:36] Speaker C: Well, writing the book, for me, it solidified more of my belief that God never lets go of us.
And I've always known that. That's how I was raised.
But just writing it out and almost in chronological order and seeing over the years how much God was there for Galen.
And as she's talked about throughout this, she's. She talks about her lowest points and now where she is today. And she's the first one to tell you, all glory goes to God. Without God, there is no way she would be where she is today. It didn't. It doesn't matter how much I pray. But just praying wasn't going to save her.
It had to be God. There's no other explanation. And I feel like for me, that helped solidify and now I had something tangible to point to for other people. If you don't believe in God or you don't believe that he actually exists and loves you, here's a book for you. Look at what my cousin has lived through. If you don't believe that God exists, come take a look at this story.
[00:40:50] Speaker B: And to tag onto that, I think it was too, because I was so close to the veil of death, you know, unloud support.
And I tell people that. I says, you know, this higher power, you can call it whatever you want to do, but. But I said that higher power, I know what I heard. And I said, you know, I was so close.
I was on life support. I mean, the book starts off there where I'm on life support once. Everything that I had heard and everything that happened, I'm all in. It's like, oh, my gosh, how could you deny this? Or even the doing the dishes and hearing go. I mean, I heard that. So direct that Diana, honestly, if I hadn't gone, I wouldn't be here. I would have felt so much guilt that I missed that last dance with my daughter. And I tell him that I said, you know, for the higher power, God allowed me one last dance with my daughter. I said, so if I wasn't listening, I would have never, never gone.
So. And you know, he. We. Lavon, I laugh on this one, too, because he yells at me. He doesn't yell at other people like this. So I didn't yell that. Like, I can hear it so loud.
Even my husband will say, what do you do at the beach? You know, like I said, I can sit and meditate and pray where I can hear things, you know, if you'll just still the mind. And I think that we're all so distracted so much that we forget to be still and listen. And you you, it will get guided. You'll get to know where you're supposed to be going.
[00:42:22] Speaker C: That's what God tells us. He says to be still and know that I am gone.
Know that I am gone. But Galen also has a history of. She says God yells at her. God doesn't yell at me.
He speaks to me quietly in a still, small voice. But she also has a history of having to have a proverbial piano dropped on her head.
Okay, well, I'm a little
[00:42:48] Speaker B: bigger than life, but I need a big, you know,
[00:42:52] Speaker C: here it comes. You know, when we start hearing that's coming down, I get out of the way and drops on Galen's head. But it takes a little bit more to get her attention sometimes.
[00:43:05] Speaker A: It's interesting. Recently, I've been thinking I'm very good at asking God questions, but I'm not good at listening for the answer. By the time I finish answering the question, I'm already like, monkey mind. I'm already thinking of something else.
[00:43:16] Speaker B: I call that monkey mind. As I'm. When I teach yoga, I'm like, you guys, quiet the mind and let's be still here. Because that's another thing too, is about whenever we're sick, you know, about being able to heal the body. You guys, give it the right environment and be calm and really pray about it. And you'll be amazed at what. Why is a placebo effect work?
You know, and then you gotta tell me prayer doesn't.
Hmm. There's more to that one too. You guys pay attention.
So, yeah, whenever the cancer patients, I'm like. And you know, cancer hates, just absolutely hates a positive mind.
So stay positive. We're all going to die, but are you going to live?
[00:43:57] Speaker A: I'm curious because, I mean, healing is not. Like you said, healing is not a straight line. What got you sober?
[00:44:03] Speaker B: Oh, what got me sober was him raping that girl and me. Well, I'll tell you, that ripped the carpet out from underneath me because I was like, what is wrong with you? You let that man beat you, basically rape you, knock your teeth out. And you are not defending yourself, but you're going to defend this young woman. And I have all daughters. And so I've always been a very protective mother.
And I protect over my sister, protective over Lavon, but I never protected myself. And I was like, there's no possible way I. I can protect myself. I didn't have a real problem with alcohol. I loved cocaine.
But when you do a lot of cocaine, so does the alcohol comes along with it. And so it's just that environment that you're in that. And I've been. I'm living on an island where it rolls up on shore. Kilos of cocaine rolls up on my front door. So it was just self isolating and understanding that I couldn't, I couldn't stay there if I wanted to get up there
[00:45:01] Speaker A: and. Yeah. What does your day look
[00:45:03] Speaker C: like now?
[00:45:04] Speaker B: My day looks like now I get up at 5 in the morning, I go to the gym with my husband and I have to lift weights, which I hate. And then I lift weights with him and then I get him off to work and then I go for a five mile walk on the beach and then I go to an hour and a half of yoga and then I make his lunch and then I do whatever I want to do for the afternoon. It's fabulous. It's like. But I do get to heal and that's. I've never, I tell a all the time. I've never been in this situation in my entire life. I have always paid all my own bills. I've always been my own. Even married for 30 years. I made the mortgage payment. My husband really didn't work.
So I was the breadwinner. I was everything.
And so to sit back and be God, to have me in this great little protection and bubble that I get to work on myself.
And so I get to work on me and put me all back together so then I can go out and. And help other people.
So that's what I get to do every day.
[00:45:59] Speaker A: What do people get wrong when they try to help someone in addiction or grief?
[00:46:03] Speaker B: Enable them.
I will not enable you at all.
I will sit beside you. I'll tell you all. I can sit there, I can lead you to water, but I cannot make you drink until you are ready to let go of that shame and that trauma. And you have to be the person to let that bag down. I can't cut the cord for you.
So I can sit here, I can listen to you, but only listen to you for a few times. And then if you're going to continue down that cycle and stay. And I call it almost like a loop of hell. They'll just stay right there in that little loop because they know it feels comfortable. They know what they're going to get. They know what they're going to expect.
So that's my biggest one is I will sit with you, but I will help you, but I will not enable you.
[00:46:43] Speaker A: Yeah. Because enabling is more than just giving them money.
[00:46:47] Speaker B: Yeah. I've cleaned a lot of People up the enabling, and they know that when they deal with me is that there's not. You know, I will help you. I will feed you. I will give you my last $20 to feed your. To feed you. But if I don't think you're moving in the right direction, I will cut you off like you didn't even exist.
So that is another superpower of mine. I can walk away from you. I will cry, and I'll leave you there. One of my sisters was a. She's a recovering alcoholic. She's been cleaning out for 19 years.
And she had a horrific childhood, too. She's in a different set of different fathers. At the end, I had told her, you know, I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you. And she tried to. She tried to kill herself in my house with my children there, and that was it. But now you're messing with my kids. And I. She was in the hospital and I brought all of her stuff in, and I sat there and I said, I'm sorry, I can't help you any longer. You're. You're now messing with my family.
And she goes. The nurse turned to me and says, she has nowhere to go. Not my problem. I said, I have done everything to help her. And now to this day, she's went 20 years clean on AA and I'm the first person she talks about. She said, she let me hit rock bottom. She stopped enabling me. I was paying for attorneys. I was bailing her out of jail. I was enabling, you know, because out of all of us, I'm tend to be the mother of all of our siblings. I'm the oldest, so I'm always the one in coming in to rescue them.
So my last sister, she lives on an Indian reservation now. She's clean and sober. So we've all had. It seems like every one of us that suffered from tragedies, we all have that addictive gene, that alcohol, that seems to be the devil itself, helping you get rid of that shame. And there, you know, so, yeah, I'm not. I'm just. Just don't enable.
[00:48:34] Speaker A: And that would be especially true for people who might be listening, who have money and they have some trauma, like they might lose a child or, you know, still get sick or still drink. You know, what would you say to someone who feels like they don't have a right to hurt because they have privilege?
[00:48:48] Speaker B: Well, I'm dealing with that, with the NFL right now, because we have a lot of the CT patients and everything like that with the NFL. And they're big. They're big money, and they can throw money at everything, all the medication and all of that. They have to get back down to the root of the problem.
And that money is not going to save your ass. The girl I'm dealing with right now is a Johnson and Johnson heir. That'll tell you how much money she has. And so she had drug dealers showing up at her house. That was just okay. You know, she didn't think anything about it. And it's for her to understand how entitled she was that she has to get back to basics. And I've been dragging her to aa, you know, just so she could see what rock bottom really is. And she's. She's still 60. I think she's 67 days clean right now.
But had all the money in the world been to the best rehabs, been to the best everything.
I tend to gravitate more to plant medicine. I'm into ibogaine. And I'll tell my addicts and things that you should go over to Mexico to the ibogaine clinics, because that tends to be your. That's God's medicine. And it tends to help them much faster.
It's really resetting the brain. I don't know if you know anything about ibogaine.
[00:49:59] Speaker A: I do know there's some places that are kind of not very good, and they're kind of like, not very ethical. And there's some places that are very ethical and do it right.
[00:50:07] Speaker B: Yeah, the one that we're using right now is very ethical. And we're. That's where we're sending this girl, because she has the money to go, and it's quite expensive now. You know, back 20 years ago, we were getting people off of heroin and ibogaine.
Now the ibogaine seems to be working really well for people, and. And now the governor of Texas just released it, and Trump just went ahead and approved it. So they are finding that it's really helping a lot of people.
Betty Ford isn't working, but I believe God's medicine's working.
[00:50:40] Speaker C: So what would you tell yourself 10 years ago,
[00:50:44] Speaker B: hang in there.
Hang in there, girl. You won't even. Ten years ago, too, was in the shittiest part of my life, excuse my language. That was when I was right before Reagan died.
I had figured out I was doing a lot of shadow work, understanding who I was and why I had allowed a lot of this behavior in. You know, when you don't know your worth and that's the biggest thing, is not knowing your worth when you're basically, you know, Every man that ever came through my life, except my Uncle Bruce, was. I call him Uncle Bruce. It's Lavon's husband had tried to do something sexual to me.
So when you. You're always like that, you think that that's your only worth in life.
[00:51:24] Speaker A: Yeah, Our wires get crossed, you know.
[00:51:26] Speaker B: Yeah. So I think that is the biggest one, too, is know your worth. Know your worth and own your power and don't give it away.
[00:51:34] Speaker A: Lavon, for you. What would you tell yourself 10 years ago?
[00:51:38] Speaker C: Keep praying for her. Don't give up.
God told me a while ago, in the midst of our.
Mine and Galen's first. Well, my frustration with her. And it was about 10 years ago, actually, at a time when she was almost beaten to death.
She called me, whispering in the phone, crying that she couldn't get away. Cause she didn't have any money.
So I paid for her to fly home. I was going to go get her. My husband wouldn't let me go into that kind of environment.
And so we paid for our ticket for her to come home, got her out of the situation. She stayed home with us for about two weeks, I think, and she wanted to go visit a friend. And things kind of transpired from there. And then my daughter called me and said, mom, did you know that Galen went back to Belize?
She didn't even tell me.
She just took off. And my daughter only found out because she posted it on Facebook.
And so in the midst of that, I was done.
I had enough.
I'm a very logical thinker. I. That's how my brain operates.
Galen's more of an emotional thinker.
So that's. Again, we're polar opposites. But in my brain, the. My logical side was saying, how could she do this? She went back to her abuser again after I did all that for her.
And I just kept praying. And God said to me at that moment, love her or leave her. It's your choice.
And so I did. I continued to love her. And so I would tell my
[00:53:17] Speaker B: God.
[00:53:19] Speaker C: There's a part in your book I just want to read that speaks to what you just said.
[00:53:23] Speaker A: A paragraph that says I. I absorbed the contrasts. At her house, I learned which floorboards squeaked, how to fetch water without splattering ice. At mine, the sound of my father's cane and my mother's voice meant safety. It took me years to see it for what it was. Stability is wealth.
Being loved without having to earn it. Wealth beyond measure.
[00:53:47] Speaker B: Oh, that'll make me cry. You're such a great writer, Lavon.
[00:53:51] Speaker A: Just want to give people a taste of what
[00:53:53] Speaker B: fabulous. Yes, you can. And that's the truth.
Because if we flanked a dish or anything, all hell would break loose. Loose.
[00:54:00] Speaker A: And it's good that Lavon could give you that same love beyond measure that wealth beyond measure.
[00:54:06] Speaker C: It is.
[00:54:07] Speaker A: I feel like crying reading that, too. It's so nice.
So where can people find this book?
[00:54:12] Speaker C: So if they go to our website, it's valleygracepub.com you can find us there.
We had speaking engagements coming up. We have one. We're. We're preparing for you. Like how I said that. Diana. We are preparing for. That means I'm preparing for next Thursday. She'll show up. But you can find more information about us there. Valley gracepub.com you can also order our books from the website, and they would be autographed by us. If you order them there, you can also get them anywhere else. Where you find your books.
[00:54:43] Speaker A: Yeah, I found mine on Amazon, but maybe I need to get one. I've got. I've got the Kindle edition, so I'll get the. A paper version that's signed.
[00:54:50] Speaker C: Get an autographed one. Yep.
And where are the events mostly? Um, we've done a couple of virtual ones. The one coming up next Thursday is virtual. A couple of. Actually, a lot of virtual. A lot of podcasts coming up. October's a little busy, and then we're going to take a few days off, and my husband and I are going to go to Florida and just enjoy the time, spend it with Galen and her new husband. I wanted to schedule some book signings, and she said, no, just come and have fun.
[00:55:16] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. I'm so on my honeymoon, and she just wants me to work. I'm like, no.
[00:55:23] Speaker C: So for listeners on the floor today, what is the first small step they can do? Galen.
[00:55:27] Speaker B: The first small step to do is to get up and adjust that crown. But get up. Yeah. And you don't think you can some days, but just get up.
[00:55:38] Speaker C: Mine's very similar. It's.
Our book is anchored in Matthew 17:7.
When Jesus was speaking to his disciples, he said. And he didn't yell. He said, get up. Don't be afraid.
Just don't be afraid.
One step at a time.
[00:55:56] Speaker A: It's been a pleasure speaking to both of you.
[00:55:58] Speaker B: Thank you so much for having us.
[00:56:00] Speaker C: This was a wonderful show. Thank you so much.
[00:56:03] Speaker B: It was a lot of fun.
[00:56:05] Speaker A: You're welcome. It's been. It's been fun for me too.
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